Productivity tip from a MS Word power-user

A friend was telling us how she had been helping out another friend, who had lost the use of his hand in a freak accident.  “I told him a few keyboard shortcuts, like Control-Arrow.”  Thinking I had misheard, I asked, “I’m sorry.  Control-Arrow?”  “Yeah,” she said.  “If you do that, you won’t have scroll through each character.  You can scroll word by word.  It’s a lot faster.”  I expressed surprise that this would be considered arcane knowledge, and the girl next to me volunteered that she’d just learned about Control-Arrow last week.  Anyway, if you’re out there in the working world, angling for that big promotion: You’re welcome.

My review of Burn After Reading (spoiler alert!)

It sucked.

Bwahahahah

This video:white people::leprechaun video:black people

Personal hygiene tips for men

Wow.  This is an amazing rant on how not to have a stank ass.

Courtesy of Roissy.

Needless to say

I did not get that drink.  Going to see if I can fuck with styles in Word, then watch some of this English tv show I downloaded, then sleep.  There is a growing numbness in my ballbag that threatens to spread to the rest of my being.

What I’ve learned so far

Here’s how it works.  You get thrown into a group of strangers with whom you have very little in common except attendance at your law school.  The workload is such that it prevents full engagement with the outside world.  As a result, conversation topics are limited to the features of your ever-narrowing experience: subjects, professors, people you know, how much alcohol you had the last time you went out, which depending on who you ask is either last night or a week ago.  It is hard to immerse myself in this clusterfuck but I have few alternatives.

I guess this is why people bullshit.  Yesterday I found myself arguing, a la Michael Showalter, that I should probably wash my hands before I pee or wash my penis after I pee.  But that’s not bullshit.  I believe it.

I just made tentative plans with someone to maybe get a drink later on.  We both know it isn’t going to happen, but pretending like I might go out tonight kind of makes me happy.

I’m pretty sure that the only reason I like my classmates is that I spend so much of my time in my room or in the library that I haven’t learned enough about them to hate them.

These are just some of the thoughts running through my head at 10:30 PM on a Saturday night right before I get ready to read about briefing cases.

I have to ask

What is the point of having the forearm hair of a lowland gorilla if it does not protect you from sunburn?  I guess it might make you look more imposing to enemies, but modern civilization has more or less rendered such evolutionary advantages unnecessary.  So here I am, an angry man with hairy, sunburnt arms.

People are pathetic

I typed “how to” into the Google widget in Firefox.  Here are the how tos it thought I might be after:

tie a tie
kiss
have sex
lose weight
make money
write a resume
play guitar
make a website
get pregnant
play poker

That list seems pretty tragic.

Kool Keith video

This is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen but I’m sharing it anyway because deep down I still love Kool Keith.

A Haiku

Just did a good deed
But ball bag hot and sweaty
Must shower post haste